In plain language
Humans behave remarkably badly toward each other even without any external threat: bullying, betrayal, ridicule, ostracism, back-stabbing. Up to 38% of workers report being bullied, and half of people have betrayed someone in their current social network. This chapter asks why people so often respond ineffectively to their own emotions — acting in aversive ways that undermine their own social goals — and what makes some people better at “emotionally intelligent behaviour.”
The authors draw a crucial distinction between emotional intelligence (EI) as an ability — a person’s potential to process emotions — and emotionally intelligent behaviour (EIB): how effectively people actually behave when they feel anxious, angry or sad. Reviewing a wide and scattered research literature, they organise the many existing measures under a single framework based on Relational Frame Theory and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, built around three interrelated processes: fusing with unhelpful thoughts, avoiding unwanted feelings, and being aware of one’s experience.
The most distinctive claim is that, unlike every other EI model, this one does not treat the ability to manage or control emotions as central. Attempts at emotional control are often part of the problem rather than the solution. Instead, when people are willing to accept the pain that comes as a normal part of life — while staying connected to their values — they suffer less and cause less suffering in others. This reframing has practical implications for interventions targeting prejudice, social anxiety and relationship problems.
Key findings
- Emotional intelligence (the ability to process emotions) is distinguished from emotionally intelligent behaviour (EIB): acting effectively in the presence of emotions and emotionally charged thoughts.
- Emotionally unintelligent behaviour occurs when emotions impede effective, values-consistent action — for instance, anxiety stopping you from socialising, or anger leading you to harm a friendship you value.
- The chapter unifies a diverse field of measures under a common theoretical (Relational Frame Theory) and intervention (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) framework.
- Three interrelated processes are proposed to underlie aversive interpersonal behaviour: fusing with unhelpful rules and self-evaluations, avoiding private experiences, and lacking emotional awareness.
- Unlike other EI models, this model does not assume emotional control is essential: direct attempts to manage private experiences are often part of the problem, and letting go of such “first-order” control strategies yields second-order benefits.
- If the model is accurate, interventions for prejudice, social anxiety and marital problems can use similar techniques and be understood through the same psychological processes.
How to cite
APA
Ciarrochi, J., & Blackledge, J. T. (2006). Emotional intelligence and interpersonal behavior: A theory and review of the literature. In J. P. Forgas (Ed.), Affect in social thinking and behavior (pp. 291–310). Psychology Press.
BibTeX
@incollection{ciarrochi2006emotional,
author = {Ciarrochi, Joseph and Blackledge, John T.},
title = {Emotional intelligence and interpersonal behavior: A theory and review of the literature},
booktitle = {Affect in Social Thinking and Behavior},
editor = {Forgas, Joseph P.},
publisher = {Psychology Press},
address = {New York},
year = {2006},
pages = {291--310}
}
Related work
- All publications by Joseph Ciarrochi (searchable, with free PDFs)
- Process-Based Therapy & Idionomic Analysis
Author: Joseph Ciarrochi (ORCID 0000-0003-0471-8100). Free copy hosted with permission for scholarly use. Please cite the published version.